Random thought

I know this sounds bad but I just want to see Bear slip & fall cuz its funny
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Omg Africa

So I'm in the car with this nigga an real talk he is hella wow right now idk why I have him around or why I'm around him but at least he isn't Bear.

Letters from the Sol

Dear,

Time always repeats itself.... You see there is nothing under the sun..... The bad ones r still bad and the good ones always rott.


I've gotten to the point where I've stopped carrying faith and caring.


Why should I trust you? Why??? Everytime I've heard that phrase it means that your hurt will be worse than the one who didn't ask.... Everytime I've heard I'm different it's just been a new face. I'm not going to change always means just not right now....


Call me doubt but at what point r u supposeed to believe the thing that has always ended as a lie is the truth

THE HILLS SEASON 5

ALRIGHT SO I HAVE NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER WATCHED the hills... I PERSONALLY HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT THE SHOW WAS STUPID REALIT TV AND PROVED HOW CATTY AND DUMB WE AS FEMALES CAN BE. BUT NONE THE LESS I WAS BORED LAST NIGHT AND ENDED UP WATCHING THE FIRST TWO EPISODES OF SEASON 5.

NOW IN ALL OF THE GOSSIP MAGZ I HAVE HEARD ABOUT ALL THE CONTROVERSY ABOUT LAUREN AND HEDI'S FRIENSHIP, AND HEIDI AND SPENCER RELATIONSHIP AND HOW JUST DUMB AUDRINA CAN BE SOMETIMES BUT TO ACTUALLY SIT DOWN AND WATCH IT WAS SURREAL.

SERIOUSLY HEIDI JUST DITCH HIM... IM SAYING THIS AS SOMEONE WHO ALMOST LOST MY BEST FRIEND OVER A GUY WHO ENDED UP BEING JUST AS BIG OF A DICK AS SPENCER (bear) AND ITS NOT WORTH IT IN THE END.... LAUREN STRAIGHT UP KUDOS TO YOU FOR BEING ABLE TO ACTUALLY SIT AND TALK TO HEIDI (AT YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY AT THAT) ABOUT HER STUPID MAN ISSUES. I REALLY DO HAVE A RESPECT FOR THE CHIK BECAUSE SHE IS ABOUT HER BUISNESS AND REALLY STICKS TO HER GUNS... AS FOR SPENCER OMG JUST GO KILL YOURSELF SO THAT WE CAN BE WITHOUT ONE LESS dj (DICK JOCKER) IN THIS LIFE... AUDRINA YOUR DUMB, STEPH YOUR TRYING TO PLAY THE MEDIATOR BUT IDK HOW WELL ITS WORKING FOR YOU.

IM NOT SAYING THAT IVE CHANGED TO A LOYAL VIEWER BUT I MIGHT ACTUALLY TUNE IN EVERY NOW AND THEN TO SEE WHATS UP... IT AMUSED ME WHAT CAN I SAY?

Raw and uncut: Bear

Straight up yo I'm better than you and more woman than you can handle at this time ..... Mad luv for you cuz I really thought that you could have been someone special to me but your true colors r hella wow.


Just like you've been on this whole you can't trust me bullshit I know I can't trust you. You promised to be there through the rough shit and instead of actually trying to be something other than a selfish ass you've just tried to staty taking advantage of me.

You're hella fuckin dumb.... Had a real chik who was willing to ride for you and decided to act out like a kid in the toy store whose mom didn't buy him a toy


I wasn't able to help to do what I planned because I took care of my mom and you're mad???? I got flakes ok so I couldn't help you out to the degree you wanted so you try to make me feel like shit for the bit that I can do for u??? Nigga you're so wow you deserve to be the picture in the dictionary defining it

You r ungrateful and when it cross your mind for he billionth time and you realize wat you treated like shit and threw away you're going to regret it and try to come back....

And I have news for you.... It would take an act of God to getbme to feel the same way about you.... Still think that you're hella chill and we can b friends but the man that gets to call me his has to be a man and not be phased by dumb shit...

And yes this is dumb... Nigga do you know how many people have been trying to take your slot???? And I was dumb enough to actually let you keep it to see of you would wake up and act right.... But all that shit is done with

Hella married to my work right now till I see someone who actually deserves a title... And war sucks is that if you had actually been a man you probably would have gotten even more than eat you wanted


Check my upgrade nigga... Cuz where I'm takin shit next is going to be so crazy it won't make sense

Omg!!!!

Omg so right now I'm sitting in the car with one of my old fam members about to head to my second home The OC for some krump event.

And I can actually say that I'm hella nervous.... It's been a minute since I've been around dancers with the intention on dancing not on just being seen and kickin it with people.... Plus I'm meeting my new big homie officially for the first time. So I'm hella nervous

Yea last night was nuts the other girl in my fam almost passed out...... I saw Bear, Scoundrel, Pluto, and Coward..... It was nuts. But a lot of people saw me lab and are excited about me officially comming out.

Omg and I saw Big Mijo dance last night!!!!! He now holds my favorite krumper slot. OMG he is sooooooo buck LOL that's where I want my power style to be at

Naked: When u just hurt

It doesn't make sense it just is.... When u just hurt.

Part of you really is happy but the part that isn't is suffacting... When u just hurt


When u can still function but it's with half of you dead... When u just hurt


When you just sit back and keep asking yourslef why.... Even when you already know the answer... When u just hurt

You just hurt.... And that's all that you know I that it just hurts.... It hurts

Mardi gras pt2

So it's been a pretty wild note I ran into on of the original regal chiks and my gurl cCedes but what just toke the cake was the dude I'm with trying to feel on my throat like I was a dude or somehting


But after a few margaritas at Asti and a run and coke at Patricks im going to pause blogging about this till tomorrow


Anyways Granted this is almost two weeks later (these next few lines at least) I wanted to let you all know how the rest of my Mardi Gras went....


Overall it was chill, I really had fun in Patricks listening to blues with Scarf, he seemed like a pretty chill guy, paid for my food at Asti and my drinks all night but idk... something about him says that he probably isn't the one for me...(yes for those of you who are wondering I still am with Bear.... granted right now we are on somewhat of a weird space that has me ready to interview his replacement we are still together on some superficial level)


Honestly idk there are just too many thing going on right now...

I got a ton of beeds though without having to show anything hahahahahahahahhahahaha

Africa

So I'm out with this guy I'm going to call Africa and so far it's going pretty good. Which is interesting considering the fact that in not super crazy abut darker skinned guys.

(Oh for those I you who are wondering Bear and I are stil officially together. Right now we are in the middel of a disagreement and yeah... Honestly idk about him right now. The other day I got some information about him that really hurt me and made me sad. But I digressed from my current evenig activities)

Africa is pretty cool tho I have to admit. He has a moorcycle, a classic dope boy car thatbus just straight sexy (actually he is in the same car club by Him used to be apart of) an he is just cute. Actually check rat he is down right dark chocolate fine. Even tho be was born on Africa he was raised in the South and I have to admit he combination makes for a very sexy mix.

Oh shot he hella just turned off the lights an commented on the fact that I'm blogging so I'll finish this later.

Naked: Me Time

So I'm sitting here in re movies by myself about to watch a double feature "Madea Goes to Jail" and "Confessions of a Shopaholic". Yeah I probably could have gotten some body to go with me or take me foe that matter but I needed his time by myself to think about eat was important to me.


Some of you my have seen the blogs that I had up before that talked about all the crap that I was going through with people an situations in my life.... That combined with being out at Fix really made me just need some reflecting time.


Don't get me wrong I'm glad that i've has all these changes because they have forced me go grow but it's the force part that important having a hard part with. And considering that I've been being forced to be by myself I figured I might as well be by myself for a bit.


I'm excited actually cuz these are two movies that I really wanted to see but wanted to be able to enjoy enjoy and I'm sure that I I had ant with people I wouldn't have. So we shall see.

Right now I'm just trying to stay in a vein that's me and not me so hurt that I fall back into old habits or my ego. Despite all the crap I've managed to start possibly a sucessful relationship, to better at work, find out more about myself and those around me.

Hopefully one of these movies will show me something that will make me want to keep going and make me feel better.

Random Thought

So I have been watching Sex & the City and thinking about a phone conversation and space conversation I had earlier today.


So after not hearing from Bear (who yes I have been dating for a month now exclusivley) over V-day due to his phone issues. I heard from him today via non other than myspace. Which made me very happy...... Until it made me miss him. A lot of today was actually spent with me waiting to hear from him (lame I know) and wondering how we were going to make this work.


I feel like he is my Mr. Big.


Then later on I heard from Talk.... Who I think didn't just tell me that he still had feelings for me and wanted to be with me but that he loved me....

Yea that's wat I did and said.... My jaw dropped and I gasped "WHAT!!!"

It didn't make any sense at all we were done I had walked away he knew the worst aspect of me and wants to be with me... Possibly loves me

It makes me wonder was he really all talk and have I made a mistake in giving myself to Bear


Or is Talk just my Russian?

Letters From the Sol: I Miss U

Dear,

I'm laying here in my bed..... Which should be our bed alone and sad. Ure not here and with u so far away from me it's making me weak, making me doubt

Has someone else stolen ure heart away from me??? Or have u just forgotten me????


I would give anything for your touch ure kiss ure voice right now to ease my mind......

I'm just hoping that my faithfulness won't produce a chip in my heart.


"It's been too long and I'm lost without you what am I gonna do I've been needing you wanting you, wonderin if you're the same and who's been with you...."


I miss u

Always,

Anjl Marie