him

IM FEELING MY HEART START TO SWIRLL DOWN A DRAIN AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.... YOU SEE THIS LOVE I'VE HAD FOR YOU HAS KEPT MY HEART FROM BEING BLUE FOR SO LONG IT BECAME A GLACIER AS SOON AS I SAID IM THRU.


ITS SAD CUZ I KNOW THAT I NEED THINGS TO END.... IF FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN TO TRY TO LIVE... EVEN THO I ALREADY FEEL DEAD.... CUZ IT WAS THAT HOPE THAT ONE DAY THIS DREAM WOULD ONE DAY COME TRUE.

SEE ITS CRAZY CUZ THE FIRST TIME I THOUGHT I WAS IT TURNED OUT TO BE PUPPY LOVE.... THE SECOND TIME IT WAS JUST FRIENDS, AND THE THIRD TIME WAS SUCH A DIASTER I DIDN'T C Y I SHOULD TRY EVER AGAIN.... BUT THEN I SAW YOU AND I BELIEVED IN LOVE AGAIN.



TO BAD I WAS WRONG... SOO WRONG... I WAS TOOK FROM YOU FROM JUMP AND IT WAS ALL LIES... I SHOULDA KNEW THAT SOMEONE LIKE YOU WAS TOO FAR OUTTA MY REACH.... SHOULDA NEVER LET MYSELF THINK THAT I DESERVED SOMEONE LIKE U....


I WOULD HAVE WAITED FOREVER AND A LIFE TIME AFTER THAT AS LONG AS I KNEW THAT IN THE END I WOULD BE WITH YOU. WAS WILLING TO WALK AWAY FROM A RING AND ANY OTHER GOOD MAN JUST TO HAVE YOU HOLD ME AND SAY I LOVE U TOO.


ITS HARD TO ENJOY THE SUN WHEN INSIDE I FEEL LIKE A TEMPEST THAT JUST WONT STOP. AND SMILING JUST ISN'T THE SAME WITHOUT THAT SECRET SMILE FROM A CONVERSATION THE NIGHT BEFORE.

I TOLD YOU BEFORE THAT I GAVE YOU MY HEART THE KEY TO IT AND DIDN'T WANT IT BACK... I HATE SAYING THAT I WANT IT BACK NOW BECAUSE I KNOW THAT EVEN THOUGH I'LL BE HOLDING IT IN MY HANDS AGAIN I KNOW THAT IT WON'T EVER BE WHOLE AGAIN AND IT WIL ALWAYS HAVE HOLES THROUGHOUT IT FROM WHERE YOU TOUCHED IT.


I DON'T KNOW WHETER TO JUST FUCK THE PAIN AWAY BECAUSE I KNOW IT WON'T MEAN ANYTHING BECAUSE IT WON'T BE LIKE IT WAS WITH US. NO ONE HAS MADE TIME STOP AND ME FEEL LIKE ONE OF THOSE GIRLS IN THE MOVIES. DOESN'T MATTER HOW GOOD IT IS IT STILL WASN'T WITH YOU CUZ THAT'S WAT MADE IT AS GREAT AS IT WAS.


THE TEARS ARE STEADY NOW CUZ ITS REALLY SINKING IN... YOU NEVER MEANT IT... YOU NEVER REALLY CARED... YOU COULD THROUGH ME LIKE A RAG DOLL WHILE I CHERISHED YOU LIKE A TREASURE.... THINKING ABOUT HOW MANY TIMES AND HOW MANY NAMES AND HOW MANY THINGS I'M NOT. BEFORE IT USED TO MAKE ME WANT TO BE BETTER AND KNOW IT JUST MAKES ME SICK I'M TRYING TO COMFORT MYSELF BUT IT'S NOT WORKING BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ITS NOT GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING.


SOME OF YOU ARE SAYING GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON CUZ THERE'S SOMEONE BETTER... BUT YOU DON'T GET IT THAT WAS MY SOMETHING BETTER. THAT WAS MY LIST THAT WAS....

SEE WHEN YOU LIVE THROUGH THE WORST TO GET THE BEST TO FIND OUT THAT IT DOESN'T WANT YOU MAKES YOU FEEL WORSE THAN THE WORST TIMES 7 TIMES 7.


MY BODY EVEN FEELS COLD RIGHT NOW.... AND AS MUCH AS IM TRYING TO FIGHT BECOMING A SHELL I ALREADY FEEL IT STARTING....


MAYBE I SHOULD JUST LET THIS FEELING TAKE OVER.... AFTER ALL WHAT ELSE IS THERE???? SINCE THERE'S NO HIM...