SO I WAS SENDING OUT PROMOTIONAL TEXTS TODAY FOR MY CLUB AND REALIZED SOMETHING... I HADN'T TALKED TO k SINCE COMING BACK HOME SUNDAY... AND REALLY HADN'T CARED WHETHER I HAD OR HADN'T. HE JUST DIDN'T EXIST ANYMORE.... NOT ONLY DID HE JUST NOW EXIST ANYMORE IT JUST STOPPED HURTING.
THE ONLY THING THAT I FEAR IS THAT IN THE PROCESS I STOPPED CARING ABOUT WANTING SOME ONE TO MAKE ME HAPPY OR BE WITH ME.... TO ME THERE REALLY IS JUST NO POINT... AND AT THE END OF THE DAY WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT I REALLY AM JUST TOOO BUSY AND TOO DRIVEN TO DO OTHER THINGS TO BE ABLE TO THINK ABOUT HAVING SOMEONE ELSE AND REALLY BEING ABLE TO PUT THE TIME INTO AND ENJOY A RELATIONSHIP.
ITS FUNNY BECAUSE I WAS SOOOOO PISSED THAT ONCE AGAIN ANOTHER GUY HAD LET ME DOWN AND JUST DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME AND NOW I JUST WANT TO GO BACK AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ALL OF MY TALENTS AND GIFTS AND LIVE FULLY WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT HAVING ANYONE.
SOME OF YOU READING THIS MIGHT SAY THAT IT'S ME GIVING UP.... BUT I'M NOT I'M JUST REALIZING THAT AT THIS STAGE IN MY LIFE I NEED TO FINISH DEVELOPING MY INNER SELF AND MY GIFTS AS MUCH AS I CAN AND THAT EVENTUALLY MAYBE SOMEBODY WILL TAKE NOTE OF THAT AND THINK THAT IT IS SPECIAL ENOUGH TO PURSUE.
AND k IF YOU ARE READING THIS.... I REALLY DID PUT MY TRUST IN YOU AND WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT YOU BEING A GOOD AND REAL PERSON. YOU LEAD ME OUT ON THE CLIFF SAYING TRUST YOU AND ITS OK AND THEN PUSHED ME OFF AND TURNED YOUR BACK.... YOU ASKED ME TO LIE TO ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS WHEN WE BOTH KNEW IT WAS WRONG. YOU USED ME FOR YOUR OWN PLEASURE AND GAIN AND HONESTLY I'M GLAD YOU GOT TO SEE HOW A REAL WOMAN TREATS A REAL MAN BUT EVEN HAPPIER THAT YOU NEVER FULLY GOT YOURS. EVEN MORE I REALIZED THAT YOU TURNED ME ON MYSELF ALL JUST FOR POINTLESSNESS AND FOOLISHNESS. BUT STILL I THANK YOU. I THANK YOU THAT YOU GAVE ME BACK ME BY DESTROYING ME. YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT SO I COULD REMEMBER THE THINGS THAT GAVE ME LIFE AND THAT DIDN'T REQUIRE YOU OR ANYONE ELSE FOR. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME BACK MY MUSIC, MY LOVE OF THE GAME, ME CREATIVE EYE, MY YEARNING FOR THE PERFECT SHOT, AND MOST OF ALL THAT SENSE THAT NOTHING CAN STOP ME AS LONG AS I STAY TRUE TO MYSELF.
One mind one heart one voice one soul. One person speaks a word that plants an idea into another's soul that blooms into a beautiful concept and reality that is seen and spread throughout the world. And by one speaking another listening and sharing and by it gong forth in repetition we spread this Anjlik Sol.....
No comments:
Post a Comment