Random thought

You know wats gay???? People who use photos I've taken of them on there pages but are "too good" to speak to me.


Hahahahahaha and people call me lame

LETTERS FROM THE SOL: TOO MUCH?

DEAR


IM SITTING HERE A FEW DAYS AFTER YOU JUST STOPPED ACTING LIKE I EXISTED AND IM STILL SOOOO CONFUSED.... SEE EVERYTHING WAS GREAT TILL I GAVE INTO MYSELF... I WAS JUST BEING ME... AND SO FUCKIN WHAT I LIKE TO KISS...


RIGHT?


SEE IM SOOOOO FUCKIN PISSED FROM THREE WAYS FROM THIS ENIGMA ITS STARTING TO EAT AT ME.

1. I SHOULDA KNOWN BETTER AND NOT EVEN SUCOMB TO TELLING YOU THAT I WAS INTO YOU.... DON'T BE YOURSELF PLAY IT COOL AND STICK TO YOUR EGO... DON'T BE ATTAINABLE UNTIL ITS HOOK LINE AND SINKER. WHY GIVE YOURSELF AWAY KNOWINGLY OR NOT BECAUSE IT KILLS THE CHASE AND OPENS YOURSELF UP TO HURTS THAT YOU KNOW THAT YOU AREN'T READY FOR AND DONT WANT.
2. YOU ARE SOOOO OMG... YOU INSISTED THAT I BE HONEST WHY WOULD YOU WANT MY HONESTY AND WANT ME TO NOT HOLD BACK ONLY TO SIT ON YOUR PHONE AND TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH IT TURNED YOU OFF??? MAKE UP YOUR MIND I'M NOT A YO YO.... OR ANY OBJECT FOR THAT MATTER IM A FUCKING PERSON THAT HAS FEELINGS.... YOURE NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS BEEN HURT AND IF YOU HATED BEING FUCKED UP SO MUCH WHY FUCK WITH ME???? IF YOU DON'T WANT AFFECTION WHY FUCKING LAY NEXT TO ME YOU SHOULDA JUST KEPT YOUR DISTANCE UNTIL YOU UNPOLARIZED YOURSELF... I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING AND NOW IM WONDERING IF I WENT CRAZY LIKE A MIDSUMMER NIGHTS DREAM AND JUST NEED TO WAKE UP.
3. THE SITUATION JUST DOESN'T MAKE SINCE CUZ OF THE UNKOWN AND THAT THING I SWEAR I KEEP SEEING IN THE DARK THAT I KNOW I DON'T WANT TO SEE.

LIKE A DOG CHASING HIS TAIL WHO CATCHES IT I DONT KNOW WHAT EMOTION TO FEEL. ms counting WOULD JUS SAY FUCK IT AND MOVE ON TO NOT JUST THE NEXT BUT TO PROBABLY SOMEONE SPECIFIC ENOUGH TO IRRITATE. THEN A TRUE phoenix WOULD RISE ABOVE ALL OF THE CRAP AND LEARN FROM IT, FIX IT, AND LET HIM CHOOSE. v SAYS JUST WANTS TO BURRY MYSELF IN MY WORK AND BE UNATTAINABLE PERMANTLY. THEN THERE'S THE PERSON WHO JUST WANTS TO MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER AND GO AWAY AND START OVER.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU.... EXCEPT IM SORRY IF I DID TOOO MUCH THATS JUST PART OF ME... IF YOU GET ME COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO ADMIT PART OF THAT 75% OF THINGS THAT I DON'T SPEAK WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT I WOULDN'T WANT TO PUT ACTION BEHIND IT?

AND LISTENING TO YOU TALK ABOUT HOW TURNED OFF YOU ARE TO SOMEONE ON YOUR LAME PHONE AND YOU HADN'T SPOKEN TWO WORDS TO ME ALL DAY MADE ME WISH I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT OF YOU.

I THOUGHT ABOUT MY STUPOR AND KNOW THAT I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TOO STUPID AND KNOW THAT IN SOBERIETY I DIDN'T EITHER... BUT STILL APPARRENTLY IT WAS JUST

TOO MUCH.....

AND AS TOO MUCH AS ALL THIS IS FOR ME BECAUSE ITS TOO STUPID I STILL WANT TO AT LEAST PUT IT BACK TOGETHER AGAIN BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE THINGS THAT ARE BROKEN...

TOO MUCH,

ANJL

MISADVENTURES: DRINKING

SOOO IM SURE YOU ALL ARE WONDERING WATS UP WITH THE NEW TO 10 I HAVE UP ( SEE THE VERY BOTTOM OF MY BLOG)


WELL YEAH YOUR GIRL GOT STRAIGHT FUCKED UP SATURDAY NIGHT AT the shark club IN THE OC. I MEAN IT WAS REALLY EMABARRASSING AND GROSS.


MY GIRLS AND I GOT PULLED INTO THE VIP BY WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN A POTENTIAL CLIENT. I FORGOT THAT I HADN'T EATEN ANYTHING SINCE LIKE 230 THAT AFTERNOON AND WAS DRINKING LIKE IT WAS THE THING TO DO. MOET, CRAN AND VODKA, LONG ISLAND, PATRON, YEAH IT WAS SOOO BAD.


I ENDED UP PUKING IN THE BATHROOM AND OUTSIDE... I KNOW I SAID SOME EMBARASSING SHIT TOO.... (SOO MUCH SO THAT I BLEW MY CHANCE WITH THIS GUY I MET UP THERE solo AMD PISSED carrie OFF)


THE NEXT MORNING I WOKE UP AT 830 FOR SOME WEIRD REASON AND JUST WENT FOR A WALK TO CLEAR MY HEAD AND REALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT I HAD JUST DONE. I HAD BLOWN A POTENTIAL CLIENT, MADE MYSELF SICK, MADE A STRAIGHT ASS OUTTA MYSELF, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY I HAD TOTALLY TAKEN 10 STEPS PACK FROM ALL THE PROGRESS AND CHANGE THAT I HAD MADE IN 2008.


I ALREADY HAD THE PUNCH DRUNK EXPERIENCE AT THE END OF MAY 2008 AND IT WAS DISGUSTING. I THOUGHT I WAS OVER IT, MORE OVER I THOUGHT THAT I KNEW BETTER THAN TO GET THAT FADED ON A WEEKEND WERE I HAD A LOT OF REGAL THINGS GOING ON. IT REALLY JUST MADE ME THINK ABOUT WHY I WANTED TO DO SO MUCH WITH MY LIFE.... AND ALL THE THINGS I WANTED TO DO IN 2009.


IT JUST SHOWED ME HOW DILLEGENT I NEED TO BE IN STICKING TO MY DREAMS, GOALS, LIFE, AND PROGRESS.